Here is Why You Need to Stop “Judging” Your Friends
When I stopped judging my friends, I started really enjoying my life.
We’ve all done it, right?
We’ve looked at the people we care the most about and thought “wtf!”
I’m also guilty of sharing those feelings with others, I think they call it backstabbing. Sure, we all might enjoy a little us weekly type gossip over the latest celeb news- but I’m talking about our most trusted friends and even family. Why do we tend to treat the people we love the most, with this horrible behavior? Or why do we make them feel HORRIBLE for innocent choices, that you necessarily might not do yourself, but you should NEVER make someone feel afraid to be honest with you in fear of judgement. To me, that’s just as bad. Be there for your friends unconditionally, love them, and let everyone live their life not to your approval, but to how they want to live it.
As a woman who is guilty of this, I know we tend to give it a name, a name that makes it slightly less negative. It takes the guilt away- we say “can i just vent” and then rattle off a laundry list of issues and critiques, which are actually just judgement – pure and simple.
I’ve always considered myself a girls girl, I have lots of girlfriends, and I think I’m supportive and a good friend- but deep in my heart I knew I was guilty of this, too. It wasn’t until I started working in the office place that I truly started noticing how often this happens.
This cruelty is what made me start to notice it around my real life- when I was too tired to go out on the weekends, or made decisions that my friends didn’t approve of, not because they were necessarily wrong, but because they just wouldn’t do them (i.e. going out and drinking, dancing, making out with someone, etc.). I’m a good person, and I know that to my core – so making mistakes is a way of life, don’t go judging someone’s character because of them – we are in our 20s…..not 80s. Don’t judge a person’s character or their friendship with you because of it. Have they stopped being a friend to you? No? Have you stopped being a friend to them? Some friendships just faded away because I was honestly scared to tell them about my life, in fear of judgement. It hurts.
The truth is, and I think we are all alike, we are just trying to get through our lives, we do our best, try to be our best and kinda hope to avoid drama or anything that really hurts as we make that journey. That’s why I think it’s so odd that we are so fast to judge other women, who basically want the exact same thing as we do- support and peace. There are going to be friends you talk to everyday, there will be some that you pick back up with after 6 months. Some of your friends might marry the guy you hate, they might color their hair with a bad boxed color, they might have a one night stand or sleep with someone you don’t approve of, and they might leave annoying political rants on facebook, but at the end of the day….who cares?
When my life started changing I made a vow, I would just let people live, if something made them happy… Good, if they liked the dress… Good, if they could deal with my insane life and not make me feel guilty.. Yay! We stayed friends. If they brought any kind of drama into my life that didn’t feel right, instead of blowing up and complaining and talking crap, I just didn’t allow it in my life. I ghosted. Bye.
I tried to be better about supporting the gals I love, sending notes, checking in, making and effort- and maybe the hardest thing ever— when someone went down the k-hole of haterorade i listened, and then politely changed the subject or tried to say something kind instead. (ps. This really freaks people out try it.) Or, I just slowly distanced myself away from them. I don’t have time to hear judgement when I know that not everyone is perfect.
I realized that we can either spend our lives being better humans, or we can be assholes. It certainly has hurt my feelings and soul in the past to be judged, and i don’t really want to hurt anyone else. I always come back to the quote “you do you”.
I think it’s great advice, live your life the best you can, put on your own oxygen mask, do you. When you do that, you wont feel the need to tear other people down, or be judgmental. You will be so happy in your own life, that you will be okay with being happy for everyone else.
Have you ever experienced this? Are you guilty of this?